ACT Police – Most Wanted

Justin "Tone deaf" Bieber

Name: Bieber, Justin

D.O.B: March 1, 1994

Aliases: Bieber Fever, Why god why?, musical holocaust

Distinguishing features: The voice of a constipated pig, protected by an army of pre teen females referred to as “bieberettes” – will kill in order to protect their overlord

Wanted for: Crimes against Music

Suspect is considered tone deaf and EXTREMELY dangerous. Members of the public are advised to contact local enforcement if spotted and are urged to wear ear plugs for protection of cochlea if within a 5km radius of the assailant.

 Reward: Honorary Order of the World and $300,000,000

 

 

 

Name: The Dinosaur, Barney

D.O.B: 265000 BC

Aliases: Dino Killer, Don Barney

Distinguishing features: Fluffy purple skin, ability to speak, strong command of the english language

Wanted for: Causing the mass suicide of his ancestors by utilising an uncanny ability to sing as a weapon of mass destruction, believed to still be in possession of WMD. Also believed to be operating a counterfeit jeans racket from a undisclosed cave near the outskirts of the A.C.T. Also under investigation over accusations of child abuse.

Known Associates: Baby Bop, BJ and Riff

Suspect is considered annoying EXTREMELY dangerous. Members of the public are advised to contact local enforcement or wildlife authorities if spotted and are urged to wear ear plugs for protection of cochlea if within a 5km radius of the assailant.

 Reward: Honorary Order of the World, eternal gratitude and 10 boxes of authentic Levi Strauss jeans

 

 

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